Can You Hear Me?
By: Cheryl Fidelman, The Conscious Codependence™ Coach
Even though you’re speaking the same language, it can still seem as if what you’re saying isn’t being understood or it’s being completely reorganized into something not even remotely close to what you said. What happens to you when you experience something like this? It is so important to the Codependence healing journey to get to know every facet of yourself – especially what happens to you in these moments of not feeling heard or understood.
If your Codependence kicks in, then you’ll likely respond by not hearing the other person. Now no one is being heard. So who started it? Our Codependence often tells us that the other person did. That we are players in their world and the ultimate disconnect is over there with them. They just don’t see us or hear us. But can you see and hear yourself?
The number one most important person for you to hear IS YOU. If you can hear your intuition and the projections & interpretations that outweigh your intuition in your Codependent moments, then you will have a shot at hearing what landed in the other person’s ears. In The LISTENing Workshop, there is a Module that I call, “The Lyrics, The Music & The Mood.” When anyone speaks, there are the lyrics or the words. There is the music or inflection of their voice. And there is the mood or the emotionality behind the words. Can you hear your own reaction to the world of what they are saying? Are you aware of what you are saying both literally with your words and with your emotions and your body?
In the Conscious Codependence™ Process, we build & strengthen your skillset of hearing what is going on inside of you as close to the present moment as possible so that you can stay connected to yourself and the other person when there’s static in the communication. And you can feel what happens in your body when you don’t feel heard. If we don’t hear our traumatic interpretation of what someone else is saying and we don’t connect with our body & intuition when we listen and when we speak, then we lose our ability to hear and be heard.
When we don’t feel heard, it can throw us out of the moment. We’ll future trip as to what we think the other person will say. We may past trip as we get triggered into a memory of what the person did or said in a similar situation. We can get hooked into responding instead of taking a break to hear our inner world. This is what I call the “addiction to dialogue” that happens when we feel an obligation to come up with something to say, prove or defend. Codependence can also have us repress, passively agree, ignore, sweep it under the rug or choose not to speak over not being heard.
When the communication with another is not working, please get into communication with yourself. Hear your own inner world. Distinguish between your own truth and your own interpretation. Give yourself the freedom to pause. Pause is presence and presence is pause. When you know and feel that you are speaking from pure inner alignment, then you can practice curiosity of the other. In our sovereignty there is no need to prove, defend or repress. Investigate into what they heard you say. Leave space for investigation and interpretation. Codependence cannot hear interpretation. Sovereignty and independence of being can hear it all.
YOUR RELATIONSHIP w/ YOURSELF is WHERE it ALL BEGINS.
You can get your FREE PDF of The 3 Tenets of Conscious Codependence™ at www.cherylfidelman.com. The PDF lists the common developmental roots & behavioral patterns of each Tenet and also some questions to customize them to your experience.
