The Maternal Void
By Candace van Dell.
Did you grow up with a not good enough Mother? She was there but not fully emotionally available or consistent? You may be experiencing the maternal void from not having the fill you required in order to learn to truly love yourself.
Not good enough mothers are everywhere and the first step in learning to fill your own void with self but also partners who mirror true love instead of conditional love, is to realize it is okay to say she may not have been enough of what you needed.
Guilt is a pervasive feeling for daughters without good enough mothers. We bypass the depth of the situation because God forbid we admit the truth about her shortcomings. You are programmed in society to say only good things about your Mother. For goodness sake, she gave birth to you. She did the best she could do. She tried. She provided a home and food and clothing. Sorry….. NO! A good Mother is required to nurture you, nourish your developing mind and heart. To mirror to you the goodness of your own essence.
So often our Mother did not become honest or aware of their own less than perfect upbringings and for this reason live in denial of their own issues and unhealed wounds. When these wounds go unhealed, they are unconsciously projected onto their children to continue the generational wounds.
If this was you, you grew up with an uncertain identity or confidence. You search externally with high or too low expectations. You look to a friend rather than a partner to FILL this void you can not describe and can never get rid of. You either put up with too much for breadcrumbs or you cut people out too quickly at any sign of abandonment.
YOU DON’T KNOW YOUR WORTH. Until we heal this inner wound, we won’t see the reality of others either. We may feel that life is punishing us, we worry about performance and achievement. We need someone to take care of us or someone to overly take care of. You attract narcissistic partners, codependent partners or selfish one sided relationships. You may also avoid them all together.
You walk around wondering what the heck your purpose is. This is all true because you have never discovered unconditional self love or authenticity to the degree you need to break free from the MOTHER WOUND.
Now is the time to get real about this and the patterns it has created. You must realize that the permission slip to own yourself and your good treatment of self comes from you now, not her. You will be waiting forever if you are waiting for your Mother to all of a sudden SEE YOU FOR YOU AND NOT THE PROJECTION SHE CREATED.
Validating these true emotions, feeling everything and being unconditional with this process. Setting the internal boundary of talking to yourself lovingly only. Allowing mistakes, self forgiving. Start to treat your inner child and emotions the way you WISH they were treated as a child. Up until now you are still treating them the way you were treated as a child. You get to be the mother of your dreams now and fill this void.
Candace van Dell is an award willing youtube teacher and coach. She specializes in healing generational trauma and inner child wounds. Find her work here http://www.candacevandell.com
