Your Actions are Telling a Story – Are You Listening?
By Stacy Brookman, Leadership & Resilience Coach.
Codependency often feels like a tangle of habits—saying yes when you want to say no, fixing problems that aren’t yours, or putting everyone else’s needs ahead of your own. These patterns can seem like second nature, but they’re not random. They’re messages, quietly revealing the beliefs you’ve been carrying for years.
It’s not always easy to see it this way. When we think about our beliefs, we usually focus on what we want to be true. “I believe in boundaries,” we say, even as we agree to something we don’t have time for. “I value rest,” we insist, while staying up late to make sure someone else is okay. These moments don’t feel like contradictions—they feel like survival.
I’ve been there myself. For years, I thought my worth came from being helpful, accommodating, and indispensable. I was constantly checking in with others, anticipating their needs, and avoiding conflict at all costs. What I didn’t realize was that my actions weren’t just habits—they were revealing a story I had come to believe: If I’m not everything for everyone, I’m nothing at all.
Where Do These Beliefs Come From?
Codependency is often rooted in early experiences where care and approval felt conditional. Maybe you learned that being “good” meant putting others first. Or perhaps conflict in your family made you believe that keeping the peace was your responsibility. Over time, these lessons became deeply held beliefs—ones you might not even realize you have.
For example, if you grew up being praised for being helpful, you may have come to equate your worth with what you do for others. If expressing your needs led to criticism or rejection, you might have learned it’s safer to stay quiet. These beliefs don’t disappear; they settle in, quietly shaping your actions.
Changing the Script
The good news is that these beliefs aren’t permanent. Once you see the story your actions are telling, you can begin to rewrite it. The first step is curiosity. When you notice a pattern—like overcommitting or avoiding conflict—pause and ask: What am I believing about myself right now?
For example, are you agreeing to something out of guilt? Are you avoiding a tough conversation because you’re afraid of being seen as difficult? Simply naming these beliefs can break their hold.
Small, intentional changes can make a big difference:
- Say no to one thing this week without justifying it.
- Let someone else solve a problem you’d normally step in to fix.
- Ask for what you need, even if it feels uncomfortable.
Every time you take an action that challenges an old belief, you reinforce a new one: I am worthy of rest. My needs matter. I can let go of control and still be loved.
Progress Over Perfection
Changing these patterns isn’t about getting it right every time—it’s about noticing and choosing differently, one step at a time. There will be moments when you slip back into old habits, and that’s okay. Recovery is a journey, not a destination.
Celebrate the small wins. Maybe you set a boundary for the first time, or you stopped yourself from over-explaining why you couldn’t help. These moments are proof of your growth, even if they feel small.
What Story Do You Want to Tell?
Your actions are telling a story about what you believe. What do you want that story to say? The power to rewrite it is already within you, waiting for the moment you decide to trust a new truth: My worth isn’t tied to what I do for others—it’s inherent in who I am.
Women leaders who want to eliminate imposter syndrome, people-pleasing, and overwork, leverage Stacy Brookman and her confident leadership coaching to clarify their power skills and confidently command their seat at the table. She’s a women’s leadership coach, a conference speaker, and the founder of Real Life Resilience. Download her Remarkable Resilience Routine here: https://www.realliferesilience.com/remarkableresilience
