Healing for the Scapegoat

By Candace van Dell.

You must understand dear one, that you were chosen as the one to blame and shame not because you are bad or disordered or unworthy. You were chosen because you were highly sensitive and you reacted to the chaos in your home that everyone else was busy denying.

When people deny their own reality they must also deny you of the feelings you have about your own reality. This is confusing to say the least when you are a young child with a developing brain and are totally dependent on your parents.

You are in a constant state of gaslighting. You feel something harmful in your environment or scary and unsafe and uncertain. You express these feelings as a way of getting care, support and help. That cry for help is denied and also made wrong. This leads you into feeling you are wrong, you feel you can’t trust your perception. Worst of all you learn that your feelings get you misunderstood and rejected by those you need the most to survive.

Many scapegoats blame themselves their entire life for being not good enough or different or not fitting in. What I want you to know is that once you start to see the deeper picture of your family’s dysfunction, you can also see that it is a very good quality to not fit in with a toxic system. As you gain strength and perspective, you will also start to notice your other relationships that have mirrored this due to the emotional imprint you had inside of you for far too long. Those relationships that force you to compromise your needs, voice, desires to stay connected. Those relationships are the ones that also force you to disconnect from you in order to stay in the insecure attachment with them.

As you start to clear out these old patterns and see your natural sensitivity and ability to see the truth as a gift, you will start to trust it and integrate the parts of your inner child that felt left behind. If you would like more help with this please check out my INNER WORK classes on my website for healing the inner child, codependency, abandonment wounds and trauma bonds.

Candace van Dell, Highly sensitive person & narcissistic abuse expert. Learn more abut her work and her profound healing strategies. Check out her podcast MISUNDERSTOOD here: https://www.candacevandell.com

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Healing for the Scapegoat

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