Embrace Being Alone to Heal Your Codependency
By Susan Ball, Abuse Recovery Expert.
Why did I keep putting up with abusive, unhealthy, toxic relationships with friends, family, and intimate partners?
Because I was heavily codependent. Scared to death of being abandoned. Scared to be alone. In fact, being alone made my heart race just thinking about it. And I feared I would be alone forever so I settled for unhealthy. It was better than nothing, right?
My codependency was a direct result of emotional neglect while I was growing up. I was the most unwanted child in the family and was reminded of this daily. I can’t remember ever being hugged by my mom and my
sisters were married with families of their own. Much too busy for a kid. I had been operating from lack of self worth which caused me to put others’ needs before my own. I was terrified they would leave me and I would be alone. And my codependency made it easy for me to give up on myself, my wants, needs, and desires.
The fear of being alone is a very powerful one. It can make you feel like you are the only person in the world and that there is no one who understands you. But the truth is there are many healing benefits to being alone and it is the greatest opportunity for you to get curious, explore, open your world, and listen to your inner voice.
And as much as I didn’t want to admit it, existing in a toxic relationship is lonely. You are alone.
I believe being alone is a healing gift and an experience in which you can spend time getting to know yourself, find out what you truly desire, and create a big, bold, blissful life from the inside out.
The Healing Benefits of Being Alone
You get to recharge and practice healing self-care and self-love. You get breathing room to learn how to care about you and love yourself by setting boundaries.
You will get in touch with your emotions in a safe space. You can set them free, know what they are and how to flow with them in a healing and healthy way.
You will start doing things you actually enjoy – yes! Imagine the possibilities.
You will begin to feel more independent and enhance your self-trust. You are taking steps to heal co-dependency, free your voice, and know without a doubt that you will not tolerate toxic behaviors.
You will get a well-deserved break from making everyone else happy and begin healing people pleasing tendencies.
Create a “My Alone Time” List
Start by making a list of all the things you would like to do or experience or what you feel you have given up to please others or to keep the peace and not lose someone. Here are 7 ideas to get you started:
- Get curious. Explore new hobbies. Get creative. Learn new skills. Take a cooking class or jewelry making or finger-painting. Just be curious and explore all the possibilities.
- Take a down hour, day, or weekend. You are alone and there is no one to judge or criticize you. You are free. You can lie on the couch. Binge your favorite show or movies. Scroll social media. What would you love to do just because you can? Do that.
- Eat what you like when you want to and bonus, leave the kitchen in a mess. You’ll get to the clean-up when you’re ready. That’s the joy of being alone.
- Dance naked to your favorite music. Or just dance. Sing out loud without inhibition.
- Do the thing or things you weren’t allowed to do when you were with the abuser!
- Dream BIG & create goals to achieve your dreams. Write your dreams with tons of emotion and feeling. What will you hear, see, touch, and taste? This is the blueprint for pursuing your goals. Make it come to life and then set goals to achieve the dream.
- Have an I’m Free From… Party and celebrate you and all you have accomplished. And all you’re about to embrace for the future.
Remember, your list is limitless and can be as playful and creative as you want it to be. Your alone time is your time to explore who you are, what you want, and how you’re going to get it.
Living your best life will come when you embrace being alone. You have so much to offer, explore, create, and reveal. Being alone is where you learn about you and how to create your life, your way.
Love yourself enough to spend time alone getting to know yourself deeply.
To your amazing alone time!
By Susan Ball, Abuse Recovery Expert. Susan works with women who are ready to live life unapologetically. Join Susan & 20 Experts for the Heal, Grow & Thrive After Toxic Love event here: https://www.recoveryafterabuse.ca/f/heal-grow-thrive
Excellent! Thank you for sharing your thoughts and experience.
Yes, I am really lonely after I know my father is a psychopath and my mother is a narcissist. I can’t even make anybody understand me, and almost no one in China heard about these words, psychopath or narcissist. Thanks a lot, I will learn how to live alone well.