How to Start The New Year Codependent Free
By Stacy Brookman, Resilience and Performance Coach.
It’s that time of year again. A time for ending a year and new beginnings, when we reflect on the past year and set resolutions for the coming one. For many of us, this is a time to break old habits and start fresh. But what if this year, instead of vowing to lose weight or quit smoking, we resolved to break our codependent habits?
Codependence is a pattern of behavior in which we allow ourselves to be controlled or manipulated by
someone else. It’s often seen in relationships where one person is overly dependent on the other for their
happiness or sense of self-worth. This can be damaging to both parties involved and can lead to an unhealthy
cycle of neediness and control.
Why New Year’s Is The Perfect Time To Make A Change And Break The Codependent Cycle:
So why New Year’s? Because it’s a time when we’re naturally motivated to make changes in our lives.
Breaking a codependent cycle can feel daunting, but New Year’s is the perfect time to start making changes in your life to break free from codependency.
Making these changes won’t be easy, but they’ll be worth it. You deserve to live a happy, healthy life – and that starts with breaking the cycle of codependency.
The new year is a time for fresh starts. If you’re in a codependent relationship, it’s time to break free.
If you’re not sure where to start, take inventory of your relationships and identify which ones may be unhealthy.
In fact, the most impactful thing you can do for yourself is to become aware of where codependency shows up.
The First Step – Awareness:
The first step in eliminating codependency is awareness. If you find yourself always putting others first, or
feeling like you need to be needed, it’s time to take a step back and reevaluate your relationships.
Signs of codependency include: feeling responsible for your partner’s happiness, sacrificing your own needs
for your partner’s, being overly reliant on your partner for approval, and feeling like you can’t live without your partner. If you’re single, feeling like you can’t live without finding someone and having such a deep need that you lower your values.
If you identify with any of these signs, don’t worry! There are steps you can take to eliminate codependency in your relationship. This first step is awareness.
It’s important to remember that you are not responsible for anyone else’s happiness but your own. When you
allow yourself to become codependent, you’re giving away your power and control. This can lead to feelings of resentment, even though you try to hide it from yourself.
You deserve to be in a healthy, supportive relationship where both parties feel equal. If you’re not sure how to do this, there are plenty of resources available to help you learn how to set boundaries and communicate
effectively.
The new year is a time for self-reflection and setting goals. If you find yourself in a codependent relationship, it may be time to reassess your priorities.
The Second Step – Identify Your Patterns:
In order to break the cycle of codependency, you have to first identify your patterns. Do you find yourself
always being the one to sacrifice your own needs for others? Do you feel like you’re always the one giving and never receiving? Do you have trouble saying no?
These are just some of the common patterns that codependent people often fall into. If you can identify your
patterns, it will be easier to work on changing them. Start by making a list of things you want to change about your codependent behavior. Then, make a plan for how you will go about changing those things.
Once you’ve identified your patterns, the next step is to start working on breaking them. This can be difficult, but it’s important to remember that you’re doing it for yourself. Focus on taking care of yourself and meeting your own needs. Don’t worry about what others think or whether or not they approve. Just do what’s best for you and let other people take care of themselves.
Remember that it takes time to change deeply-ingrained patterns. Be patient with yourself and don’t expect
perfection. Just take it one day at a time and know that each day you are working on becoming more
independent and healthy.
The Third Step – Set Boundaries:
If you want to start fresh in the new year and break free from codependency, it’s important to set boundaries.
This means learning to say no when someone asks for your help, even if you’re used to saying yes. It also
means setting aside time for yourself to do things that make you happy, without worrying about what others
think or whether they approve.
It can be difficult at first to stick to your new boundaries, but practice being firm. Remember that you’re doing this for yourself and your own wellbeing. As long as you stay true to your goals, you’ll be on the right track towards a healthier and happier future.
You need to be clear about what you will and will not tolerate from others. If someone consistently crosses
your boundaries, it might be time to reevaluate the relationship.
Go back to the awareness step. If you find yourself constantly putting other people’s needs before your own, or making excuses for someone else’s bad behavior, you’re still falling into that codependent relationship.
This New Year, make a resolution to break the cycle of codependency and take back control of your life.
Remember that you are not responsible for fixing other people’s problems. It’s okay to offer support, but
ultimately each person is responsible for their own happiness. If someone isn’t willing to work on themselves, then the relationship won’t be able to move forward.
Don’t be afraid to put yourself first.
The Fourth Step – Take Care Of Yourself:
One way to eliminate codependency is to take care of yourself. This means making time for your hobbies,
spending time with friends and family, and doing things that make you happy. It can also mean saying no when you don’t want to do something, setting limits on how much time you spend with someone, and not letting someone control your life. This is especially true with people who drain your energy. Taking care of yourself can be challenging, but it’s necessary if you want to break free from codependency.
You don’t have to please everyone all the time. Start saying no to things that don’t serve you and start taking
care of yourself first.
Self-care is essential because when you take care of yourself, you fill up your own cup so that you can be
more of yourself. When you’re running on empty, it’s easy to get resentful and defensive. But when you’re
taking care of yourself, you can approach relationships from a place of abundance instead of scarcity.
Consider Codependency A Choice:
For many people, codependency is seen as something we’re victims of. But consider this…What if
codependency is actually a choice?
After all, we are the ones who choose to stay in unhealthy relationships. We are the ones who choose to put
our own needs last. So perhaps it’s time to consider that codependency is a choice – and one that we can
change.
Of course, making the decision to break free from codependency is not easy. It means admitting that we’re in a codependent relationship. It means facing our fears and taking back control of our lives. But it is possible.
And when we do make the choice to change, we often find that our lives are much better for it.
Learning To Love Yourself Unconditionally:
In our society, we’re taught from a young age to seek validation and love from others. We are told that we need to be in relationships in order to be happy and fulfilled. However, what we aren’t told is that we need to learn to love ourselves first and foremost.
Without self-love, we tend to develop codependent relationships which are based on unhealthy patterns of dependence and control.
In codependent relationships, you may feel like you’re never good enough or like you always have to put your partner’s needs before your own. Codependent relationships are often filled with emotional manipulation, guilt, and resentment. If you find yourself in a codependent relationship, it’s important to realize that you can break the cycle by learning to love yourself unconditionally.
Choose the new year to break the cycle of codependence and learn to love yourself unconditionally. This
doesn’t mean you have to be perfect, it just means accepting yourself for who you are. It’s time to start thinking about your own needs and wants, and stop putting everyone else first.
Even when you’ve been taught your entire life that you’re not good enough, you can still acknowledge that you deserve to be loved, just like everyone else.
It’s important to remember that loving yourself doesn’t mean being selfish. You can still take care of the people you love while also taking care of yourself. In fact, it’s essential to your wellbeing.
Investing in Your Mental and Physical Health:
It’s no secret that being in a codependent relationship can be damaging to your mental and physical health.
But what you may not realize is that you can break the cycle by investing in your own mental and physical
health.
Here are three ways to do just that:
1. Get regular exercise: Exercise releases endorphins, which have mood-boosting effects. It can also help reduce stress and anxiety.
2. Make time for activities that make you happy and help you relax: Codependents often put their partner’s needs before their own. But it’s important to make time for activities that make you happy and help you relax. This could be reading, spending time with friends or family, playing sports, or listening to music. Doing things that make you happy will help reduce stress and promote a positive outlook on life.
3. Seek professional help if needed: When it comes to breaking the cycle of codependency, investing in your mental and physical health is essential. By taking care of yourself, you are better able to take care of others and set boundaries as needed.
4. Regularly check in with yourself emotionally and mentally: This can be done by journaling, talking with a therapist or counselor, or spending time in nature. It’s important to get in touch with how you’re feeling so that you can address any issues that come up.
A New Beginning
Following the above steps will help you to start the new year codependent free. By taking these steps, you’ll be better prepared to handle whatever life throws your way.
Remember that you’re codependent if you feel like you cannot function without the approval or happiness of
someone else. If you find yourself in a codependent relationship, seek help from a professional coach or
trauma-informed therapist. There are many resources available to help you learn how to start the new year
codependent free.
You deserve to be happy and healthy, so make this year the one where you finally break free from
codependency.
Women who want to stop giving away their power and start using their voice leverage Stacy’s resilience and performance coaching to gain clarity from their life lessons, lean on their hard-won wisdom, and have power to speak up for themselves. Stacy is the founder of Real Life Resilience. Go get your Resilient Boundaries Toolkit: https://www.realliferesilience.com/opt-resilient-boundaries
