Finding Your Power in Codependency

By Stacy Brookman, Women’s Leadership Coach.

In our society, it’s easy to get caught up in the idea of needing someone else to complete us. This can manifest in our relationships as codependency, where we become so focused on the other person that we lose sight of ourselves. 

While codependency can be harmful, it also provides an opportunity for us to grow and find our own power. By understanding and acknowledging our codependent tendencies, we can learn to love ourselves more fully and create healthier relationships.

Is There Power In Codependency?

It’s easy to feel like you’re powerless when you’re in a codependent relationship. You may feel like you’re constantly giving and never receiving, or that your partner is always taking and never giving. But it’s important to remember that you are not powerless. You have the power to choose how you respond to your partner’s behavior. You can choose to set boundaries, to communicate your needs, and to take care of yourself.

The Root Of Codependency – Fear:

The root of codependency is fear. It’s the fear of being alone, the fear of not being good enough, and the fear of rejection. Codependent people tend to be afraid of abandonment, rejection, and being alone. This can lead them to a need for approval and validation from others…and even cause them to stay in unhealthy relationships, even when they’re being abused or mistreated.

These fears can lead to a need for approval and validation from others. This need can then lead to unhealthy relationships where one person is always trying to control or fix the other. If you’re in a codependent relationship, understand that you have more personal power than you realize. 

You didn’t cause your partner’s problems, and you can’t fix them. But you can work on healing your own fears so that you can have healthier relationships in the future.

In fact, you can take back your personal power to build a healthy, happy life for yourself—one that doesn’t revolve around someone else.

Let’s look at four types of power you have: the power of choice, the power to be yourself, the power to set boundaries, and the power to heal. 

The Power Of Choice:

Even while in codependency, you have the power of choice.

You have the power to choose how you will react to any given situation. That choice may be difficult, and it may not always be easy, but it is always yours to make. No one can make choices for you, and no one can control how you will feel about a situation. 

It can be hard to remember this when you’re in the midst of a codependent relationship. Your partner may be controlling or abusive, and it may feel like you can’t do anything right. The other person may seem like they have all the power, and they may try to control your emotions and your choices. 

But ultimately, they cannot do either of those things. 

The only person who has that power is you.

You can choose how to react to your partner’s behavior. You can choose whether or not to stay in the relationship. And you can choose to get help from a therapist or support group.

Knowing that you have the power of choice can be empowering. No matter what you’re facing in life, you have the power to choose how you will react. That’s true even if you’re in a codependent relationship.

Remember, no one can control your choices except for you.

The Power To Be Yourself:

In codependency, you have the power to be yourself.

Codependency can be a difficult thing to overcome. You may feel like you need to change yourself in order to please someone else or make them happy. However, you have the power to be yourself. 

You don’t have to change who you are to make someone else happy. If you’re in a codependent relationship, it’s important to remember that you have the power to be yourself. You deserve to be in a relationship where you can be yourself and be loved for who you are.

This doesn’t mean that you have to end the relationship, but it does mean that you need to make sure your needs are being met. Here are a few things to keep in mind:

1. You need to be able to express your feelings openly and honestly. If you’re not able to do this, it’s likely that your needs aren’t being met.
2. It’s okay to ask for what you need. Your partner is not likely a  mind reader, so don’t be afraid to speak up about what you need from the relationship.
3. Remember that you’re an individual with your own wants and needs. And that’s perfectly OK.

The Power To Set Boundaries:

In codependency, you have the power to set boundaries.

By boundary setting, you can protect yourself from being taken advantage of and manipulated. People pleasers are often codependent because they have trouble saying “no.” 

Your partner may not be used to hearing “no” from you, but it’s necessary in order to maintain a healthy relationship. If you find yourself in a codependent relationship, know that you have the power to set boundaries.

Assertiveness is key in boundary setting. You need to be able to communicate your needs and wants clearly. This can be difficult for people pleasers, who are used to putting others first. But when you think about it, you deserve to be respected and treated fairly, just like everyone else.

It may take some practice to get comfortable setting boundaries, but it’s worth it. You’re doing it for your own wellbeing. Your partner may not be happy with your new boundaries, but they’ll eventually respect them.

When you do, you’ll likely find that your relationships improve significantly. Not only will you feel better about yourself, but others will also see you as a strong and confident individual.

You always have the power to set boundaries in a codependent relationship. It may take some time and effort, but it’s one of the best strategies for maintaining a healthy and balanced relationship.

The Power To Heal:

In codependency, you have the power to heal.

Many people who realize they have the power to heal themselves in codependency find huge relief. Codependency is often passed down from one generation to the next. If you grew up in a household where your needs were not met, or where you were constantly told that you were not good enough, it can be hard to break out of that mindset. But it is possible.

Being “stuck” is not necessary and you can be the one to break the cycle.

The next step is to start making changes in your life. This may mean setting boundaries with family and friends, or learning how to say no. It might also mean seeking out counseling or therapy to help you work through the issues that are at the root of your codependency. Whatever changes you make, know that you are doing it to heal yourself. And you might even set a great example for people around you to heal as well.

Conquering Codependency:

If you’re in a codependent relationship, it may feel like you’re trapped. It can feel like you’re losing yourself.But there is a way out. You can find your power and break free from the cycle of codependency.

It takes two to tango, as they say. And that’s true of codependent relationships too. If you’re in a codependent relationship, it may feel like you’re stuck, but it’s important to remember that you have the power to change the dynamic.

When it comes to codependency, it’s easy to feel like you’re powerless. But the truth is, you have more power than you think. You can conquer codependency by understanding what it is, recognizing its symptoms, and learning how to build healthy relationships.

Steps To Finding Your Power:

In a codependent relationship, one or both partners depend on the other for their emotional or financial well-being. This can lead to a feeling of powerlessness, as if you are not in control of your own life. But it is possible to find your power within a codependent relationship. 

Consider the four types of power you have: the power of choice, the power to be yourself, the power to set boundaries, and the power to heal. 

Make your own plans to take back your power in each of these areas and you will break free.

Women who want to stop giving away their power and start using their voice, leverage Stacy’s resilience and performance coaching to gain clarity from their life lessons, lean on their hard-won wisdom, and have power to speak up for themselves. Stacy is the founder of Real Life Resilience. Go get your Resilient Boundaries Toolkit: https://www.realliferesilience.com/opt-resilient-boundaries