You Don’t Have To Be Codependent To Have Codependent Thoughts

By Candace van Dell.

Many people feel that they back slide in their healing journey. This is totally normal and
can actually prove to be beneficial. This sounds strange right? Going forward then
sliding backwards due to old triggers or old patterns is good for your awareness and
also teaches us unconditional love. You see, once you are awake, you will never go
back to sleep as deeply as you were before. So when you recognize these backwards
moments, you can remind yourself that you know how to shift this now and you have
already done the work to have power over this pattern.

Every one on one client I see each week will receive a detailed session summary from
me over the weekend. I have been doing this for 10 years. The reason I do this is, one
so they can feel totally seen and heard and understood. But, two is so that they have
reference to go back to on their healing journey. They can be reminded of how far they
have come and just how much they have learned. These are necessary reminders
when we fall back into codependent thoughts.

Have you caught yourself feeling STUCK and not knowing why? This is a back slide
into a codependent thought. We forget about our old ways at times because we do not
expect it to come up when we think we are healed. But, just like any addiction, we need
to recognize old paradigm thoughts and ways of being so that we can remind ourselves
and also celebrate the fact that we now have a way out.

Over the years I have found myself in this STUCK position and it looks a little something
like this.

  • I don’t know which way to go unless I know what they are doing.
  • I can’t really own this new idea unless I feel they would agree.
  • Is it really right for me if it bothers the one I love?
  • I feel confident if others are approving of me.
  • If they are upset, then it means I did something wrong.
  • If I do what I want I may be alone.

I remember one time I noticed this STUCK experience and I immediately did some inner
work on myself. What was I waiting for? What was I afraid of? Often times we are still
linking our thoughts to a narcissistic ex, a parent we have not been able to please, a
society we still want to fit into. We need to look at these possible reasons and do the
opposite. Ask yourself how you are abandoning yourself and your truth IN THIS
MOMENT? To fit in, gain approval, not feel alone? These are all common and realistic
thoughts. But the thought we need to shift into to find that relief is the thought that
RECONNECTS us to the intuition that guides us.

As children many of us were guided away from our intuition and towards an external
source. This is the pattern of codependency. Anytime we find ourselves in this cycle,
we can choose again and come back to SELF!

Candace van Dell is a Spiritual teacher, coach & healer. She specializes in inner work and highly sensitive people. For further assistance, check out her coaching or courses:

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