What Does A HEALTHY Relationship Feel Like?
By Candace van Dell.
Picture this, you are calm, relaxed, peaceful. You are about to talk with your partner about a potentially triggering topic and you feel calm, relaxed, peaceful and SECURE. You know that whatever you say will be met with understanding and communication. You know that whatever the outcome, the relationship will remain intact and connected.
Wow, that feels good right? Now, think about if that is how you were with yourself. You noticed some things you wish you would have done differently and still you are in full acceptance and peace with yourself. You notice some things you wish were more perfect, and still you are in total acceptance and peace with yourself. You notice that your life does not look the way you want and you feel like a failure in some aspects, and you still feel this underlying TRUST that all is exactly as if should be even if you don’t see that yet.
A healthy relationship to SELF is the first step. When we can relearn self love, when we can DECIDE that it is SAFE to be unconditional with ourselves, we are actually giving ourselves permission to override our conditioning. This is very difficult for most people because we have had authority figures that did not nurture this way. In fact we all grew up in an emotional dark age, a very emotionally unintelligent space. Most of our parents if not all, did not do any inner work or very little. Their safety was living by the book. By the way, those books are largely outdated.
The way I healed my relationship to self was by seeing beyond the veil of consciousness I grew up in. It never felt right to me. I always felt deeply misunderstood. So after years of doubting myself in the worst ways, I decided to trust myself instead, even though my thoughts were not shared by the authority figures I knew of. I decided to dare to BE DIFFERENT since trying to fit into this crazy system was killing me. I decided to let myself love myself with any perceived flaws and guess what happened? I didn’t feel or see flaws. I started becoming my own authority on ME as I became more in touch with my feelings and understood my trauma.
Once we have a secure relationship to self and we can FEEL what that is like, we will not BE ABLE to allow a toxic dynamic with others. We will in essence be putting ourselves first without even realizing it. You will need to release the guilt of focusing on you. Release the doubt that says you are wrong or less then. For me it took constant migraines and an autoimmune disease to finally truly care for my nervous system and come back to SELF. We don’t need to get sick to wake up. We can see the distress we are already in. We can CHOOSE to do it our way EVEN IF OTHERS DON’T AGREE AND EVEN IF OTHERS SAY IT IS WRONG.
Please check out my EMOTIONAL REAHB program here. It is now ON DEMAND for your convenience. This course was designed for this. I hope you love yourself a little more today than yesterday and so on.