10 Tips to Build Confidence & Break Up with Co-Dependency
By Susan Ball, Abuse Recovery Expert.
Confidence is a tool you can use to break the cycle of co-dependency, stand up for your personal wants, needs, and desires, and use your voice to say no or express your boundaries.
Building up your confidence helps you stop second-guessing yourself, manage your fears, and become able to do more things that really matter to you. But you might not realize that self-confidence works like a muscle. Your confidence grows and develops when you exercise that muscle. Take it out for a spin and see how it feels. Scary, right?
There was a time in my life where my confidence was at rock-bottom. I would not say a word to defend myself, say no, or create a fuss. Sadly, my lack of confidence allowed people to take advantage of and abuse me. I was willing to do anything at anytime because I thought I would be liked, loved, appreciated, and validated.
Nope! All I did was wear myself out and get into many unhealthy relationships – intimate, friends, family, and colleagues. My need to please everyone but me was literally taking away my life.
When you are co-dependent people-pleasers, you believe your life’s purpose is being there, helping, doing, making sure everyone is happy except yourself. That is so far from the truth. You are entitled, yes, entitled, to say no and live a life created by you that makes you happy and excited.
The foundation to creating a life you love and quitting co-dependency and people-pleasing is building your self-confidence.
10 Confidence Boosting Tips:
- Write a list of things you’re tolerating and putting up with in your life. Then write down how you can remove, minimise or diminish each one. What do you want less of in your life?
- Get crystal clear on stuff that really matters to you. Let your beautiful mind wander and imagine how you would feel if you created time and space for what matters to you, what brings you joy and pleasure and what you’re curious about. What do you want more of in your life?
- Quit your “should” life. Stop playing different roles and squeezing yourself into boxes based on what you think people expect you do. My first wedding was my should wedding and I was the saddest bride on the planet but I did it because I wanted to fit in and make my mother happy. It didn’t work and I was miserable. Living your life based on what others think you should or shouldn’t do, is closing yourself off from what brings you happiness and joy.
- Take a chance on something every day. It can be big or small. Just take the chance. Open yourself up to new adventures and be curious about what’s out there and possible for you.
- Stop saying “Yes” to taking on a task simply because you don’t want to rock the boat. You can decline requests you can’t meet or don’t want to do and you don’t need to create an excuse.
- Make a list of 100 things you would like to do or add to your life. Get out of your comfort zone and do all the small ones while you start moving towards doing all of them!
- Spend time with people who support and encourage you and less time with those who undermine or use you. Start the process of creating your loving circle.
- Confidence is built on accomplishment. Set small goals and take steps to reach them. Get things done and then celebrate your accomplishment. Every small step or goal you achieve is worthy of celebration.
- Silence the haters who tell you your goals are stupid or ridiculous. Others love to tell you what you “should” be achieving or desiring. Silence. This includes the voice in your head telling you all your can’ts. Words to silence your inner and outer critics: I believe in my goal, I believe in myself, so I’m going to accomplish it.
- Stop comparing yourself to others especially on social media. Love you just as you are and live like you matter because you do.
It can feel overwhelming to start but your life and happiness depend on you beginning to take control and build your confidence. It’s time to show up for you – you are worth it.
In addition to being a regular contributor to the #1 Online Magazine For Codependency Recovery, Susan Ball is an Abuse Recovery Expert who works with women ready to free their voice, break the cycle, and live life unapologetically. You can begin your healing journey by downloading her free ebook ‘12 Proven Action Steps to Break the Cycle’ here: https://www.recoveryafterabuse.ca/f/break-the-cycle-12-action-steps
Susan, your articles/videos have meant so much to me during my healing. I was fortunate to find a therapist who had been married to a Cluster B and she has helped me tremendously. She understood what I had endured and made me feel heard, that is how I feel every time I read or listen to you. So grateful to you and your work.
Gail, I’m so happy you were able to find a therapist who heard you. That’s amazing. And thank you for the lovely complement. I’m happy you find my articles and videos healing. I know you’re going to find your way. Courageous Woman you’ve got this.