By Candace van Dell, Master Coach & Spiritual Teacher.

The root of Codependency is Insecurity.   The root of insecurity is unworthiness, the root of unworthiness is uncertain identity.  The root of uncertain identity is a lack of mirroring.   

It is NOT YOUR FAULT!!!!!   If you grew up in an emotionally immature home, you did not receive mirroring and therefore you do not know your WORTH.

The search for worth can be a life long venture but it does not have to be.  I teach a skill called EMOTIONAL VALIDATION.  As we take a second look at everything we feel and learn to give ourselves permission to ask ourselves HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT THAT? Rather than how do you think you should feel? Or how are you conditioned to feel? We learn to get more in touch with our true feelings and self validate.

Once you learn to self validate, traditional therapy may feel like it is not enough for you.  You want to go deeper into how to contact the inner child, the one who holds ALL your wisdom.  I do an exercise with my clients called “THE INNER”.  In this exercise you learn to contact your inner child and through time and process, you eventually learn to trust yourself with your inner child.  I don’t recommend you do this on your own but I can share with you the first step to the deepest healing of you worth. Wake up in the morning and know one thing…….. it is your INNER CHILD that needs you to make her/him feel their worth.

So, skip over years of doing the same thing that doesn’t work.  Wake up and close your eyes and put your hand on your heart and say “Little one within, I want to know you….I know it will take time for you to trust me and I don’t blame you, but please know I will check in with you each day as I learn.”  When you make this ONE commitment to self, you start a new process of putting your worth first.

After you do this for a few weeks, notice the insight or wisdom or connection you feel elevate.  The next step is to start to trust enough to take some SMALL action steps in the direction of the wisdom you receive.  This is called ALIGNED ACTION.  The key to boundary setting is aligned action.   Ask yourself what is making you put others’ feelings or opinions over your own?  The answer will one day be “nothing”.  I wish everyone to be more loyal to their own soul than to others.  Remember that when you are loyal to your own soul, you are one step closer to claiming your worth and walking straight into the life you were meant to lead.

Find out more about how to heal core abandonment wounds & trauma bonds in Candace’s groundbreaking new course I AM WORTHY.  https://www.candacevandell.com/iamworthy/

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