The 3 Greatest Rewards Of Letting Go Of Codependency

By Marlena Tillhon MSc.

Codependency is born out of fear and shame and while we may crave love and connection, our codependent habits stop us from experiencing what we really want.

When I started to realise this, I felt more motivated to let go of my codependent habits and traits because I wanted to have a healthy relationship more than anything.

And if that required recovering from codependency then that’s what I was going to do.

Ten years later that choice has paid off in more ways than I thought possible.

Here are the 3 greatest benefits of letting go of codependency:

Deeper Connection

In the past, I had many people in my life. I was busy organising meeting people or inviting them over. It used to cost me a lot of time and energy at a time in my life when I had very little.

But I needed it.

I needed to fill the space, keep busy and try to wow others.

On days I couldn’t ‘secure’ a friend, I’d feel lost and alone even though I was surrounded by my children.

Today I know that this was caused by me not having had a relationship with myself. What I experienced was disconnection from myself. 

And it was that pain, that agitation I was trying to run away from by filling my life with other people.

But even if I had created a healthy connection with someone else, it could have never made up for the lack of connection I had with myself.

Nothing can cover that up permanently.

Because you are not meant to live disconnected from yourself. 

That’s only a necessity when you’re in the grip of codependency. 

When you want to heal, you need to start by connecting to yourself … then watch the rest fall into place.

Today, I am more connected to myself than I have ever been. 

I love that there’s always a deeper level of connection to explore, that there’s no point of perfection and therefore no pressure and that every time I allow myself to connect more deeply with myself, I get to connect more deeply with the people I love and consciously choose to have in my life.

Personal Growth

I used to be terrified of spending time by myself.

I’d feel abandoned and lost.

I’d feel a lot of panic and shame about it too.

And so, to avoid that feeling, I’d seek out other people to spend my time with.

I wasn’t very picky either which obviously led me to spending time with people who weren’t necessarily good for me.

Once I had decided that I would break free from codependency, I began to learn so much about how humans work best, why relationships don’t and how to have a relationship with yourself.

That’s what blew my mind the most!

That I had a relationship with myself! And that all other relationships were a reflection of that.

That’s when I turned my attention to the people I had in my life to see what they were reflecting back to me about how I treated and thought of myself.

Nothing else has pushed my personal growth forward like doing this.

Nothing else has given me greater insights because it’s much easier to see what others do to you or don’t do for you than it is to notice how you are with yourself.

Fun & Lightness

Being codependent is hard work.

It’s emotionally draining and energetically depleting.

There is problem after problem and in between nothing but temporary moments of relief.

But there’s no fun or lightness.

There’s no space for silliness and playfulness. 

There’s just everything born out of unhealed trauma, fear and shame.

And nothing can blossom and bloom from that place.

No matter how much we want it.

No matter how hard we try.

No matter how much we are willing to sacrifice.

That’s why the codependent strategy is inherently flawed.

It’s heavy, dark and dense.

This doesn’t leave any space for the finer things in life like laughter, lightness, intimacy and love.

So no matter how scary it may seem to let go of codependency, the reality of holding on to it is even scarier because in doing so you agree to continue on a journey of self-deprivation and self-abandonment.

Neither will ever lead to real love.

So the most loving thing you can ever do for yourself and your loved ones is to heal your wounds and free yourself from codependency so that you may grow and flourish.

It’s never too late for that.

Psychotherapist, Codependency Expert & Relationship Coach Outgrow codependency by learning how to have a healthy relationship with yourself, healing old wounds, calming insecure attachment and developing healthy relationship skills so that you can finally create the relationship you long for and get the love you need.

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