Why Codependents Feel STUCK
By Candace van Dell, Master Coach & Spiritual Teacher.
Let’s look at the word STUCK. You can not move, you can not make a decision, you can not decide on a direction, there is a lack of clarity.
What I have discovered to be the case here is having equal parts desire and also fear. Codependents are afraid to upset anyone. You walk around hoping for approval of your desires or decisions but the FEAR of that not happening grows when you really want it.
You worry OTHERS won’t agree and this causes you doubt because you live for others. The stress in your body rises at the thought of having to bring this up. You worry that you will have to once again ABANDON yourself if the other person doesn’t not agree or approve of your choices.
Sometimes you have forgotten how to even make a choice. Sometimes you don’t even think you know what you want or what to do simply because you are SOOOO overwhelmed that it won’t be OK.
Do you ever notice those people who seem to be really free and self guided? What do you think about those people? Do you judge them for being selfish? Do you give an excuse for them? Something like, oh they were probably given everything, didn’t have to work for it, they have loving parents. What are your excuses?
The part of you that judges them is a reflection of the part of yourself that wishes you could be like them. You judge them subconsciously as a way of keeping yourself away from your own power. Cause God forbid you live for YOU and take on the wrath of OTHER.
These confident and free people have learned to balance their desires with their fears. I am one of those people! I have been walking through huge scary fires for many years now only to come out the other side and see that the False Evidence Appearing Real, doesn’t appear real when you get right up close and personal.
Facing FEAR is the way to get unstuck. Follow your desire, decide to TRUST yourself, even if you end up wrong, because the majority of the time you won’t be, I promise. Wrong will lead you to a new venture anyways so you are always growing and never stuck.
Taking the first scary step is your first shift towards freedom, growth and confidence. You won’t know yourself unless you move towards what you desire. Following your heart means living a life you love according to YOU.
Find out more about how to heal core abandonment wounds & trauma bonds in Candace’s groundbreaking new course I AM WORTHY. https://www.candacevandell.com/iamworthy/