Needing to be Needed!!!

By Candace van Dell.

The Codependent needs to be needed.  You grew up figuring out that your only way to get the “connection” you longed for and did not naturally receive was to help.  To help is to try to save and therefore try to be VALIDATED and feel necessary in some way.

This pattern followed you into adulthood because this was your emotional imprint.  Your imprint is what you go to as a way of patterned relationships.  You energetically feel attracted to those who are in need of love because they don’t know how to love themselves just like you don’t.

You have an unhealthy connection due to a mutual void and need.  You both are void of putting Self love first.  The codependent puts the other first and the other lets you.  Therefore neither person is truly whole.  This is the danger in codependent relationships.  The relationship will no longer function when one person heals and therefore you unconsciously stay wounded to keep the connection.

I talk to unhealed empaths all day long in my practice.  When I bluntly tell them that their entire sense of self comes from being needed, they wake up and own that truth.  It is impossible not to own it when you just look honestly at your dynamic.  You feel NEEDED and therefore you sniff out the ones in need.  You unconsciously love the addict who is powerless “without you”.  You get to go all in on your GIVING and you feel great when they are fully receiving.  This goes well for a while until you wake up one day and say dang….. I thought all my giving would naturally make them whole and therefore able to GIVE.  Nope, they are unable to give. Their only source of fuel is your supply.  You get drained and tired.  You may notice you have many pets around to give you that unconditional love you have put aside within yourself for OTHER.

The key is to look FEAR in the face.  The fear of losing this relationship because it is draining is bigger to you than the possibility of being ENOUGH ON YOUR OWN.

The key to ending this pattern is to see that it will NEVER EVER fill you long term.  You will continue to attract this pattern that will inevitably NOT BE THE ANSWER so that you can finally CHOOSE you once and for all.

When you choose you, you will be faced with feelings of guilt, uncertainty and anxiety.  This happens because when you were young, you were programmed to feel WRONG for having your own needs, feelings and boundaries that were not shared by the parent.  Now is the time to reparent and give yourself all the VALIDATION you ever needed to own yourself deeply and completely.

Candace van Dell is a Spiritual teacher and master coach. She uses her gift of clairsentience and clairvoyance to tune into your inner child and guide you to whole self integration. For more help on this journey, join her January 11th for I AM WORTHY.  This is Candace’s 12 week course to become FULLY WHOLE:

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