Codependence & Mothering

By Cheryl Fidelman, The Conscious Codependence™ Coach.

In light of this month’s Mother’s Day here in the U.S., I’d like to give the mothers some love. This is for those that have biological children and also those that mother people who are not their children – like their partners, parents, spouses and/or family members.

Oftentimes in Codependence, we assume certain jobs that are not ours to have. We take on roles that are not appropriate to the context of the relationship. We take care of people and get exhausted when they depend on us so much.  We are stuck in our heads trying to figure everything out while being disconnected from our bodies. All of our energy is going out and no energy is coming in because we just don’t know how, when or why to receive. Somewhere along the way, our feminine ability to surrender was replaced with being the person everyone else surrenders to. Our feminine vulnerability got replaced with analysis, blame and strategy. Our softness got replaced with consistent action and force. 

You may return to your body. You may return to your softness. You may only take on jobs that are yours to have and you may leave others to their own sensibility. You can hold your ‘no’ even when others don’t like your ‘no.’  You may surrender and be held by your own love even when it feels like no one will hold you. You may love people without fixing them. You may receive love without changing yourself. You don’t have to prove and defend your honor, you can just sit and be in your own innocence even if no one sees it. Noone is repressing you but YOU. There is no person who is more your leader than YOU. There is no person that needs your caring, love and trust more than YOU.

Because your relationship with yourself is where it all begins.

Mothering from a Codependent position can:

 dissolve the polarity in a romantic relationship 

– have you doing things that are not in your skillset.

– have you operating from an emergency state when there’s no emergency.

– have you caring more for someone else’s emotional state than your own.

 – have you change your no to a yes because you don’t want to see someone else being sad. 

 – have you constantly putting energy out towards others with no space to receive energy from others.

Being Mothered from a Codependent position can:

 – have you listening more to someone else’s intuition about your choices than your own.

 – have you afraid to speak up for fear of getting in trouble.

 – have you depend on some else for your safety. 

 – have you begging to be nurtured by someone who doesn’t know how to nurture. 

 – have you waiting for permission to do what you want to do. 

Because your relationship with yourself is where it all begins.

You can get your FREE PDF of The 3 Tenets of Conscious Codependence™ at The PDF lists the common developmental roots & behavioral patterns of each Tenet and also some questions to customize them to your experience.

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