Codependence, Anxiety & Inner Peace

By Cheryl Fidelman, The Conscious Codependence™ Coach.

Codependence can often show up as anxiety. It can show up in our hyper-active cognition as thought after thought after thought. When we find ourselves endlessly analyzing a conversation we just had or one that is pending. We may replay the same conversation over and over and over with an added layer of the voice of our “Inner Punisher” judging what we said and how we should have said it differently. And we project onto others what we thought they meant when they said what they said and how now they may be mad at us or some level of unhappy with us. And then we make decisions about what we should say the next time we talk to them or maybe the decision is to never talk to them again. We get trapped in our mind going over the past and making decisions about the future.  As we move through The Conscious Codependence™ Process, we find ourselves living more from our body rather than our mind. This is true inner peace.

There is anxiety that is related to diagnosable anxiety disorders. This is not what I’m addressing in this article and I don’t address this type of anxiety at all in my work.  I’m pointing to when we are trapped in our mind ruminating with an added punishing voice. We are punishing ourselves, punishing others and/or projecting into another person’s mind that they are punishing or going to punish us.  

Our mind replays situations with an added illusion that thinking will bring us to some sort of resolution or end point. But the thinking itself is the end point. We find ourselves thinking, and that’s where we are – we are nowhere and headed nowhere in thought.  This is “Codependent Anxiety” – being hyper-focused in our minds on how we have shown up in another’s person’s eyes and possibly also what they have done to us. 

“Codependent Anxiety” is based on the first Tenet of Conscious Codependence™ – The Want to be Wanted. The first tenet is rooted in our sense of belonging. Our mind gets flooded when our sense of belonging has been threatened. If we move away from our mind and into our body, the feeling is often that of unsafety, disconnection, powerlessness, embarrassment, etc. – all emotional symptoms of a lack of belonging. When we move from our minds to our emotions, life can become much simpler. When we can identify the feelings that are causing the overactive mind, we find ourselves in a more intimate and vulnerable relationship with our inner world. This is our intimacy with self. This is our inner peace. 

The more you believe your thoughts the more thoughts you will have. Belief plus thought produces another thought and so on. Not only can we be Codependent unto another person, we can be Codependent unto ourselves by believing and proving our thoughts to be true – by being the follower of our thoughts and relinquishing all agency to them. These thoughts will take us out of the relationship with ourself. It’s the feelings that bring us back into a relationship with ourselves. They bring us into our body, into our truth, into presence and inner peace. 


You can get your FREE PDF of The 3 Tenets of Conscious Codependence™ at The PDF lists the common developmental roots & behavioral patterns of each Tenet and also some questions to customize them to your experience.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *