When Healthy Feels Boring

By Candace van Dell.

Do you ever notice how your heart skips a beat and your nervous system jumps for joy when you meet an exciting person who also turns out to be INCONSISTENT?  What is that?  Why do I always fall into these cycles of stress and excitement?  Why do I always find the healthy ones so boring?

Well this is what I have discovered in my 12 years as a spiritual coach and teacher.  You are attracted to the emotionally inconsistent one, the one that has extreme highs and lows because you are subconsciously still trying to get the ATTENTION OF THE PARENT YOU NEEDED APPROVAL FROM that barely gave it. The parent that was a challenge and not unconditional.  This wound has followed you into your romantic relationships.  Your emotional imprint is such that earning love is the way.  So when you meet someone who loves you, is consistent, feels easy, and gives love you do not have to earn, it does not trigger your nervous system in the way you are used to and that does not feel like real love to you.

You think the excitement of getting them to pay attention and love you is GOLD.  If you don’t experience that win, you don’t feel activated.  So what do we do about this?  We must do the inner child work to dive into this mother or father wound.  We need to reparent ourselves, do the shadow work and learn to love all parts of ourselves so that we no longer allow this half ass love in.

We must come to know that our parents’ love was wounded and you took on those wounds.  You can heal this now by ending this pattern.  You may still think it was YOUR FAULT that you could not get the love you needed from Mom or Dad and therefore you are looking for a partner who is also not capable of proving your inner wound wrong.  They will only rewound you until you heal from within. So when you notice this pattern, stop and remember this is the inner child wound.  Use this new discernment to choose a partner who shows up for you, treats you consistently and does not put your emotions on a roller coaster of highs and lows.   I am currently enrolling my shadow work Course, so please check out my free sneak peek and see what you think.

Candace van Dell is an international Spiritual Coach & Teacher who specializes in healing emotional wounds back to your true authentic self. Learn more about her many coaching programs and courses. Take a FREE sneak peek at her ground breaking SHADOW WORK COURSE https://candace-van-dell.mykajabi.com/sw-free-lessons-optin

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