Center Yourself In Your Life To Start Knowing Yourself Again

By Marshall Burtcher.

De-centering others and centering yourself in your life is *necessary*, not selfish.

Centering yourself means asking, “does this option take me where I want to go?”

It means saying no deliberately to things that don’t take you towards the purpose you have chosen for yourself, even when it means ending commitments, disappointing people, or doing things others may not understand.

It means saying yes deliberately to things that do take you towards that purpose, even if it is scary, new, unknown, or you may initially fail.  

It is about understanding what matters personally to you while setting aside other people’s opinions and perspectives of what you should be centering in your life.

Others are not the authority, and they do not live with the outcome like you do.  This includes your parents, your past, your trauma, even deities, gurus, and people you admire.  

You are the only authority of your life.  You have the innate power of choice and action, and you inherit the outcome and consequence of your actions.  This is why you are the authority of your world.

To heal, and more importantly, to enjoy your life, centering yourself in your life is essential.  

This is where you find yourself again.

This is where you come to know your desires, dreams, and the things you do not desire.

This starts by recognizing when you’re referencing your reality from someone else’s perspective.

This is what I call “External Orientation”.  This means you’re viewing your person, your emotions, your reality through the eyes of someone else.

This is how we de-center ourselves and center others in our personal world, losing contact with our internal guidance, intuition, and awareness of what we need, want, and what boundaries and direction to implement in our lives.

This is reversed when we practice “Internal Orientation”.  This is when you see your life through your eyes and your senses.  This is often a tricky practice, though, because we can be very, very identified with another’s perspective and confuse it as being our own.

Below I offer signals that tell you when you’re de-centered in your life and when you’re centered in your life:

De-centered signals:

1) You are worried about what other people think about your desires, choices, ambitions

2) You’re feeling pressure to perform in order to prove your worth

3) You’re seeking approval or permission from outside yourself

4) You are trusting others over your own sense of things

5) You are trying to please or be perfect for others

6) You’re reactive to things around you

7) You’re seeking the “right” perspective, answer, or direction

8) You want others to give you the direction you need rather than listening within yourself

9) You feel disconnected from yourself

Centered signals:

1) Feels calm, centered, open

2) You know your desires and are nurturing them

3) You’re more concerned with your success than you are with their approval

4) You have boundaries, communicate them, and follow-through with them

5) You feel ok enough with rejection and disappointing others

6) You’re feeling more and more satisfied in your life

7) You have a sense of your own read and view on people, places, things that show up in your life

8) You feel like you’re present in your body, rooted, grounded

9) You inquire within yourself about what you feel and sense about people, places, and things you encounter

10) You’re slow to respond and able to catch your reactivity and sooth it

Centering yourself will be a long-term practice in your journey out of survival, through healing, and into your natural creative state.  It is something I continually practice every day.  Here’s how:

1) I check in to see how my body is feeling, what emotions and awareness is there

2) I take time to sense into how I feel about things I encounter

3) I am slow to respond, taking my time to know myself first

4) I ask, “what am I sensing or feeling about this thing?” and then I pause, acknowledge, and observe whatever shows up.  I note what my instant reflection is, then take more time to listen to what else comes up for me

These four steps help me to center myself and sense my direction in situations and opportunities that arise.

May this add to your journey in becoming who you truly be.

Marshall Burtcher is a Codependency Transformation Expert. He specializes in helping codependents, people-pleasers, and perfectionists get aligned with their real worth, purpose, and satisfaction so they create a life they enjoy. Learn how to start actually loving yourself in his free CLARITY course:

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