Overcoming Decision-Making Difficulties in Codependent Relationships

By Stacy Brookman, Women’s Leadership Coach.

Are you feeling stuck and unsure of which path to take in life? Do you find yourself constantly procrastinating or plagued by indecision and regret? Making important decisions can be overwhelming, but it doesn’t have to be this way. This article will guide you through a step-by-step process to help you make the best decisions for your future…with confidence.

Have you ever found yourself struggling to make confident decisions, even when you know it’s the best thing for your future? This can be particularly true for people who have been in codependent relationships. When you’re in a codependent relationship, you may find it challenging to make decisions that benefit you and your own goals.

Why is it so hard for codependent people to make decisions?

Codependent relationships often involve a power dynamic that makes it hard for the codependent partner to prioritize their own needs. This is because the codependent partner may feel responsible for the other person’s well-being and therefore reluctant to make decisions that could upset or disappoint them. In addition, codependency can lead to low self-esteem, making it hard to trust one’s own judgment and make decisions confidently.

Creating a Decision Model:

The first step to making confident decisions is to have a clear understanding of your own desires, values, and goals. When you’re in a codependent relationship, it’s essential to take time to reflect on your own needs and wants. This can be difficult, as codependency can make it hard to identify your own emotions and thoughts.

One useful tool for clarifying your thoughts and emotions is to create a decision model. Start by thinking about the decision you need to make and write down all the thoughts surrounding it. Choose the most significant thought and create a thought-model around it, asking yourself:

What emotion does this thought bring up?

What actions (or inactions) does that feeling drive?

What results do those actions or inactions provide?

This will help you simplify the situation and understand the cause and effect of your thoughts about your situation.

Running Purposeful Models:

Next, run two new models (purposeful models) for yourself around your decision, without judging either as good or bad. Start by assuming you’ve made the decision and create one model for each possible outcome. 

For example, if you’re trying to decide whether to stay in your current job or find a new one, create a model for each scenario.

Start by asking yourself, “What feeling would I like to have if I made this decision?” Then, move on to the actions you would take if you had that feeling, and what result would occur because of those actions. Only after that can you move to your thought for each of the decisions. What thought would you need to think to produce each of those emotions?

Choose Your Purposeful Model:

Now that you’ve done the hard work, it’s time to make your decision. Ask yourself which purposeful model works best for you. Consider the appeal of each option and whether one is more useful for your life than another. Identify any mindset issues you may have around believing either option and explore the worst-case scenario.

Giving Yourself a Deadline:

One of the most critical aspects of making confident decisions is to give yourself a deadline and stick to it. No more procrastinating or delaying the inevitable. It’s time to take control of your life and make a decision.

The Benefits of Decision-Making Models:

Following a model for making decisions has numerous benefits. It can help you stay focused, make educated decisions, and avoid indecision or regret. Additionally, it enables you to consider your options objectively and remain focused on what you want out of life.

Final Thoughts:

Codependency can make it hard to make decisions that benefit you and your own goals. However, by creating a decision model and running intentional models, you can gain clarity and make confident decisions that align with your values and goals.

It’s important to remember that making decisions in a codependent relationship can be particularly challenging. You may feel responsible for the other person’s well-being and feel guilty for prioritizing your own needs. 

However, it’s crucial to remember that taking care of yourself is not selfish; it’s necessary for your well-being and the well-being of the relationship.

If you find yourself struggling to make decisions, it may be helpful to seek support from a therapist or support group. They can provide you with the tools and resources you need to break free from codependent patterns and make decisions that benefit you and your future.

In conclusion, making confident decisions is essential to living a successful and fulfilling life, especially when you’re trying to break free from codependency. By following the step-by-step guide outlined in this article, you can gain clarity and make decisions that align with your values and goals. Remember to give yourself a deadline and stay focused on what you want out of life. Making confident decisions is not always easy, but with practice, you can overcome decision-making difficulties and create the future you want.

Stacy Brookman is a regular contributor to the #1 Online Magazine For Codependency, Codependency Recovery.

Women leaders who want to eliminate imposter syndrome leverage Stacy Brookman and her confident leadership coaching to mobilize their power skills and master their seat at the table. She’s a women’s leadership coach, a conference speaker, and the founder of Real Life Resilience. Get her decision-making framework at https://www.realliferesilience.com/decision