What Is Change Versus Transformation?

By David Charon and Stephanie McPhail.

Chances are if you’re reading this, you want a better life for yourself.

Maybe you want higher self-esteem, greater personal power, healthier relationships, optimal physical health, more financial abundance, resilience to stress, or deeper meaning and purpose in your life.

If you’re like many women we work with, you’ve been in the cycle of pain and disappointment for years, but you haven’t lost hope for a life with more love and happiness.

You’ve tried reading books, talking with friends, watching videos and seeing a therapist for months or even years, but you feel stuck and frustrated at your lack of real progress.

Even when you make small improvements, you seem to backslide into old patterns.

If that’s you, you’re not alone. I feel you! In fact, I was stuck in that place myself for a long time.

So let me ask you, do you feel like it’s bad luck?

Do you feel like you’re too broken?

Do you feel like you’re the victim of negative people and circumstances?

Or are you starting to feel like you just don’t have what it takes to live a peaceful, happy life?

So why is it that you’ve been doing all the things we’re told to do to change your life, and yet you haven’t experienced that breakthrough you’ve been hoping for?

You’ve been looking for change, when what you really need is transformation.

So what do I mean by that?

Change is like adding a few spices to old ingredients, with the hopes of it becoming a new recipe. Transformation is embracing the possibilities of the unknown and creating something brand new, drawing from an infinite variety of ingredients.

Change is linear, mechanical, time-bound and Newtonian. Transformation is non-linear, magical, timeless and a quantum leap forward.

Change takes time and effort, starting from the knowledge you have and depends on the knowledge you gain. Transformation only requires imagination and the right tools, and can happen in an instant.

Change for most people is like putting a band-aid on a bullet wound. Transformation is deep healing.

Change is chasing happiness. Transformation is becoming a happy person.

Change is like searching for something you need to fill a hole in your life. Transformation is returning to wholeness that doesn’t really “need” anything.

Change is putting gas, new oil and air in the tires of a clunky old car. Transformation is trading it in for a finely tuned luxury vehicle.

Change is forced. Transformation feels natural.

To summarize the lesson, change is just doing things differently. Transformation is becoming a different person, a better version of yourself.

So let me give you some examples of change:

  • Reading a self-help book and getting some new ideas.
  • Talking to a therapist and understanding your dysfunction better.
  • Telling yourself you’ll “try harder” next time, and having a temporary improvement.
  • Going on a diet, losing some weight then gaining it back.
  • Superficial distractions like surfing dating sites, binge watching a new show, or “retail therapy”
  • Ending one toxic relationship and getting right into another one.

Chances are you’ve done one or more of those things!

So what does transformation look like?

Here are some real world examples of clients we’ve worked with:

  • Cindy, who transformed fear, anxiety and sleepless nights after leaving a physically abusive relationship into fearlessness, confidence and peace of mind.
  • Elsa, who transformed childhood wounds and a history of toxic relationships into deep healing, a completely new relationship with her mother, living an adventurous life and finding her dream guy.
  • Adele, who transformed a tendency for road rage into calm acceptance and ease.
  • Blanche, who transformed anger and feeling numb after years of horrible abuse into a profound emotional release and finding new joy, wonder and healed relationships with her grandkids.
  • Lynn, who transformed years of stagnation in traditional counseling into peace and optimism after a few short weeks.
  • Paul, who transformed suicidal depression into a desire to live a great life and be of service to others.
  • Jeanne, who transformed her inability to forgive herself and others into a healed and happy relationship with her estranged son.
  • Ashley, who transformed low self-esteem and people-pleasing into confidence, healthy boundaries and assertive communication.
  • Donnie, who transformed his fear of death from being raised by a hypochondriac mother into peace, trust and confidence even after a terminal diagnosis, outliving his doctor’s expectations.
  • Rachel, who transformed a history of codependency and toxic relationships into unquestionable self-worth and value, and finding a loving, supportive and healthy partner.
  • John, Rose, Anne and Elizabeth who transformed a history of failed relationships into marrying their dream partners.
  • Our very own Stephanie McPhail, who transformed her fear of speaking in front of a group of powerful, influential businesswomen, into an engaging, articulate and memorable event that was her best performance to date.
  • And yours truly, who transformed low self-esteem, apathy, overthinking, suicidal depression, poor health, eyesight and seasonal pollen allergies into confidence, optimism, passion, purpose, healthier habits, improved eyesight and freedom from allergies with no need for medication.

I could go on and on about the incredible transformations we’ve witnessed in people who’ve tried everything else without success. Are you getting the picture?

SO… What would YOU like to transform in your life? Who would you like to become?

So some of you might be thinking “OK David, this sounds wonderful, but how does this transformation work?”

Our favorite way of facilitating this transformation with our clients is a method of energy psychology called PSYCH-K®. The way it works is actually simple.

Let me put it to you this way: In life, you get what you think about all day long, whether you want it or not.

95% of the time, what you think about comes automatically from your subconscious programs that were created when you were young and also during emotionally intense events in your life, such as trauma.

That’s why you can consciously desire a better life, but since the subconscious programs run the show most of the time, you keep focusing on the past and wind up self-sabotaging your conscious goals and desires.

Understand that nothing has meaning except the meaning you give it.

Outside circumstances are what they are – it’s our programming that makes us see things a certain way, which results in our experience of those things as good or bad.

For example, when my workplace was closed in 2014 and 150 people lost their jobs, some of my coworkers were freaked out, while myself and others were excited about new prospects. Same situation, different programs, different experiences and outcomes.

So the key to having a different experience in life isn’t about everything just working out in your favor, it’s changing your programs so you naturally focus on the positive outcomes more than the negative ones.

PSYCH-K® is a user-friendly way to access and transform these programs so you naturally have a better life experience.

Programs like “I don’t deserve to be happy” can be shifted to programs like “I am worthy and deserving of the best in life”.

Programs like “I am not safe, and men can’t be trusted” can be shifted to “I am safe, and confident in my ability to choose the right partner”.

Hopefully you get the idea.

The remarkable thing about this process is that it doesn’t matter how old you are, how bad things were or how long you’ve been suffering.

Once you know what you want to experience instead, this reprogramming can literally happen in as little as 2-5 minutes.

The idea that real change is a painful, lengthy and difficult process, or that “you can’t teach an old dog new tricks” is a complete myth.

So in summary, I wanted to share with you this simple but important distinction between change and transformation. When you’re looking to change, you “try” something new. When you transform, you simply do what that better version of you would do, without resistance.

Change is seeking outside things to complete you.

Transformation is a communion with your higher self, your true and authentic nature.

When you transform and become the best version of yourself, who you were put here to be, you win the biggest prize that the human experience can award you: peace of mind.

Then life becomes the joyful, expansive adventure it was meant to be!

In addition to being a regular contributor to the #1 Online Magazine For Codependency Recovery, Stephanie and her husband David are a husband and wife coaching team who specialize in helping professional women with the guidance, support and tools to break the cycle of toxic relationships, end self-sabotage and become the best version of themselves, so they can create and attract the best that life and love have to offer. David is a preferred PSYCH-K® facilitator who has helped hundreds of clients around the world for over 10 years to recognize their divinity, discover their greatness, and become the peace they seek. Learn more at https://www.beinglovedshouldnthurt.com/psych-k

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