The Reason You Are Still Codependent

By Candace van Dell, Master Coach & Spiritual Teacher. 

When you were a child, my dear, you either consciously or subconscious learned to put your feelings aside for others. It was your survival mechanism.

Guilt arises when you put yourself and your needs and desires first. This may be causing a disconnect now between who you are and your heart’s longing for deeper purpose.

Internally you may still feel that original fear of focusing entirely on your inner being. Those childhood fears of doing something wrong or being punished hold you back.

You may feel like this is your instinct or intuition. It’s not! It’s just your long time conditioned response to keep you safe and to survive. BUT as an adult you know you deserve more and so the internal struggle continues. You may still try to bury that feeling through focusing again on others. Your soul has a bone to pick with you. Your integrity is waiting for you to be your fullest version of self.

You may be afraid to know what that is or fear it won’t be enough. The truth is we will always feel like we aren’t reaching our personal potential when our lives are about everyone but ourselves.

So I challenge this narrative today. I suggest you start to do the things you FEEL like doing, and when that guilt or shame arises, just remind it that you are safe now, doing you. You are WORTHY of having a full life just like everyone else and not according to anyone else’s standards of what that should be.

What are you wanting to change right now? Do you wish you could have more time to play a new sport or try a new activity? Do you wish you had time to yourself to write that book? Do you wish to take a retreat or take a new class? Do you not even know what your interests are but wish to find out?

It’s not too late!! You can choose to have a new boundary. Write in that hour a day to journal and explore what you FEEL. Remind yourself that you are not responsible for others. You are, however, only responsible for being true to yourself! If you are not living in alignment with what feels most free and fulfilling then you may still be living dependently.

This is not to be selfish but instead to be self honoring just like everyone else gets to do.

When I started fully living for my inner guidance, I found I actually had more time to help others. But it was not out of obligation or attachment – rather out of the desire to connect, now that I had fully connected with the parts of me inside who were put on the side to fit into other peoples’ realities.

Is your life the way you want it to be? If it was you would not be reading this! The relationship you desire and the life you dream of must start with having that relationship with you, and from that, building the life you choose. This is when you will attract others who are also Whole.

Find out more about how to heal core abandonment wounds & trauma bonds in Candace’s groundbreaking new course I AM WORTHY.

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