Why Codependency Stops You from Attracting Your Dream Partner

By Marlena Tillhon MSc.

Before I knew anything about codependency, I thought that putting myself last made me a good

I thought that being overly concerned with my partner’s moods, wishes, preferences and needs
showed that I cared.

I thought that tolerating behaviours I now recognise as harmful, unhealthy and unacceptable was my
way of proving my love.

I saw suffering and enduring as hallmarks of real love.

I was wrong.

I know this now.

Neglecting yourself to prioritise your partner and enduring abuse in a relationship is not love.

Even if you do love the other person, it still isn’t loving to tolerate behaviours like that.

And it most certainly won’t give you the relationship you want to have.

This is what I believe we need to focus on when talking about codependency recovery.

The fact is that the input of codependency can never result in an amazing relationship that fulfils you.


Because the ingredients are completely different.

Codependency and its traits, symptoms and habits can only ever lead to a codependent relationship.

The relationship you long for cannot be built on a foundation of codependency.

Just take your dream partner for example:

Would they want to see you struggle and suffer?

Would they want you to overextend yourself and lose out?

Would they want you to neglect yourself so you could take care of them?


A healthy, secure and loving adult wouldn’t want that.

They would recognise this behaviour as unhealthy and misaligned to the greater goal: a mutually
beneficial, enjoyable and fulfilling relationship.

A relationship that is built on real love, respect and trust.

So if that’s their goal – and we know that it is – they would reject you bringing codependency into their

It’s likely that they wouldn’t be attracted to you in the first place.

And not because you are unworthy or unlovable. It’s the codependency within you that they would

Quite rightly so!

Codependency is a threat to creating a secure and loving relationship.

It will stop you from realising your relationship dream.

Once you accept this truth, it becomes easier to let go of the codependent patterns and habits that
have been keeping you trapped in relationships that hurt you and leave you feeling unlovable and

As many people are quite clear on who they would love to be with and how they want to be treated,
it’s often easier to use that as a starting point to amend your behaviours.

If I want to be with a partner who really cares about me, how would they want to see me treat myself?

What would they admire?

What would they not tolerate?

Then start doing that.

Think about the codependency-free version of yourself you have to become to attract the partner of
your dreams.

Strengthen that inner focus.

Become who you want to become and who gets what s/he wants.

Not because it pleases others but because that’s the only way for you to create a life and relationship
that feels right and good for you.

That’s what you deserve.

That’s what you’re here for.

By Marlena Tillhon, Codependency & Relationship Expert, Psychotherapist & Self-Actualisation Coach. I invite you to Outgrow Codependency and break free from the habits that sabotage your love life for good! It’s time to get the love you need! Don’t miss out – limited spaces and special pricing at www.epiclove.me/outgrowcodependency

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